im having a threesome with these popsicles
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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