GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
