you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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