five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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