first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
