my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
did i just pee glitter
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
