Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
