I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
