im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
