I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
