please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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