Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
