my phone needs a breathalizer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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