It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
