Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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