Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
