I don't usually arrange sex via text message
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
