is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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