Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
