If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
