When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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