stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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