You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
