I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
