I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
