he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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