Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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