i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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