I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
