This is not my ceiling
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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