whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He? As in you personified your dick?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
