You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
