only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
