oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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