Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
