i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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