The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
