Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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