you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
