boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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