the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
try to milk me bitch
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
