yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
