sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
