I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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