a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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