I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
