I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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