so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
