i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How's work?
Spinning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
