what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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